Realizing our blessings

Too often we do not realize the blessings we have until they are gone. I am grateful for social media for always making me aware or bringing to light blessings that I have that I had never stopped to truly think about. For instance, I watched a video a few months back, and despite my best efforts have not been able to find it again. I wanted to post it here, so if anyone knows where to find a link, please share it.

The video basically went like this: A question was posed about whether or not you think you are a good person. It talked about recycling, and I believe a few other things. The tone of the video is very sarcastic, as the video delved into things that we do on a daily basis that would be completely unbelievable to someone in a third world country. For instance, we have a tap, that produces fresh clean water on command. We then let that water run over our dirty dishes to clean them, and that fresh, beautiful water goes right down the drain. Same concept with toilets, ha ha, we have bowls full of fresh water and we spoil it and flush it.

The video really touched me, I had honestly never truly thought about these luxuries and how they would appear to someone in another country.

Water is such a precious commodity in our world, but we have unlimited access to it in our country. Even when we hear of droughts or water shortages in our area, it seems that we go on with life pretending that nothing is wrong, at least I know I am guilty of this.

Some young girls in Africa have to walk miles to get their water for the day. Many of them do this at risk to themselves, getting attacked and raped along the way. But water is our life source, and so they make this sacrifice, for themselves and for their families. What if our water came at such a cost?

And it is not just water, we are blessed with food, all around us. I think how I can look in my fridge and pantry and come away going, "There is nothing to eat." What a fool I am! I am a king! If I need something, I can get in my car, drive a mile down the road and buy almost anything at the store. One of my pet peeves is when people do not get a doggy bag at a restaurant. I know, such a stupid pet peeve, but it bothers me when food is wasted. We are just so lucky, I wish there was some way to stick those unwanted leftovers in a sci-fi transporting machine and deliver it instantaneously to someone in need.

The list goes on and on. I was inspired over the last few years by Malala, and the sacrifices she has made to stand up for rights to education for females in the Middle East. I have taken my education so for granted, even begrudging it from time to time. If only our children could understand what a precious commodity the ability to read is, or to do basic arithmetic. People all over the world would give anything to have access to our educational system.

My life is so immensely blessed. It would take me too long to write all of those things down here on this blog, but one of my new years resolutions is to challenge myself to see those blessings, and to take stock, and give back. I am trying to keep a gratitude journal, something I did as a child with my family but have long since neglected. I would like to challenge each of you to do the same. Being grateful for what we have will make us happier. I know this to be true. I have seen it work in my own life, it seems basic right?

I would also like to know of more ways I can give back, but sometimes feel at a loss as to how to do that, so if anyone has any good ideas to share, PLEASE, share them with me. It would mean so much to me if you would, and I know there are other people out there who would like these resources as well.

One last thought on this. While I know that others in this world are in more impoverished conditions than myself, I also know they have many things they are grateful for too, and many may even be happier than us at times, due to their ability to appreciate the simple things they have. They also probably know better than we do what is important. We have so much we easily lose sight of what things matter. I remember a few months ago talking to Scott about all the money I wanted to spend on improving our house. All of these things would be to beautify our house, not make it more sturdy or fix any major damage. I paused and thought to myself, "What a silly way to spend the immense wealth I have been given (this is not meant to sound like I am rich, just that compared to people who live in tin shacks, I have so much)." I try my best to realize how silly I am sometimes in my needs and wants, and what things I truly need to be happy. Sometimes my pursuit of these less than worthy things get in the way of what I should be focusing on.

So, I have one last request. Do any of you have good ways that you help yourself stay focused on the important things? I am thinking along the lines of some motto or sign you look at daily, maybe a sticky note reminder on your mirror, or a rubber band you wear on your wrist to snap when you think ungrateful thoughts? I would love to know your tips and tricks for staying focused on your blessings.

Powerful Words and My Mormon Story

Words have power. Ask any literary genius and they would tell you the same. Words have the power to change the most stubborn of minds. They have the power to form world changing ideas and start revolutions. Our words also have the ability to tear a person down and hurt them more than we could in almost any other way. I have heard it takes five good things said about a person to make up for one bad thing said, because people remember and cling to negative things more easily, it just stings more. I apologize, I have no reference for this, so feel free to look it up and correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds right in my head :)

The other night, when I was almost asleep, my phone went off. I had received a message. Now you don't need to know who it was from, or the specifics of the message, but what those words said hurt me. I knew that in revealing my sincere feelings and struggles I may not always receive kindness in return, and I still do not expect to, but it was a good reminder to me that I need to be careful with my words as well. I apologize if anything I say offends, and I want you to call me on the floor if I cross the line between discussing and pondering different ideas and paradigms, to directly insulting or criticizing who a person is. That message, and those words, hurt. I couldn't think about anything else for the next day. Now, I am sure that the sender had the noblest of intentions, and thought they were being helpful, and so I did my best to reply in a kind and sincere manner, expressing gratitude for their concern, but also being firm in my reply that I did not agree with what they had said, but that I still appreciated them. I know there were other things I could or may have wanted to say, but I knew they would not help the situation, they would only fuel it.

I reiterate what I said in my first post, and my post last Tuesday. We all are very different people with very different life frameworks. I want to make it clear, right here, and right now, not just for you, but for the person who wrote me that message, that I did not choose who I am today any more than I can choose the color of my eyes. I am who I am at this point, I cannot rewind the clock, I cannot change who I am. I also want you to know, I did not choose to lose my testimony. I am fighting extremely hard on a daily basis to try and continue on this journey without one, hoping that one day I can maybe gain something back. 

I interact with individuals who have left the LDS faith on a daily basis. Some of them are my closest and dearest friends. When they were in their most fragile states, like me, they needed love and compassion and Christ-like understanding. What most of them received, and what I received the other night, were not helpful. They received harsh words telling them their lives were going to be miserable and unhappy if they did not repent. Most of them, like myself, have nothing to repent for, and most of them are happy. They live good lives, and are good people. 

I know none of us have been unscathed by the last few years. By that I mean that people are leaving the church in droves. Don't believe me? Just think of the loved ones in your lives and how many of them have left. I can think of 15 people, yes, 15, who 10 years ago were all active and faithful members. Elder Marlin K Jensen said, "Maybe since Kirtland, we've never had a period of - I'll call it apostasy - like we're having now." Ever heard of the Swedish Rescue Mission? Google it. There was such a widespread issue in the stakes in Sweden that they sent two general authorities over to have a fireside with all of the stake presidents and bishops of the region to address historical and doctrinal issues.

I know many who read this blog have never listened to John Dehlin, but one of his podcasts may be helpful, and I am going to reference it. It was called, "Top 5 myths and truths about why committed Mormons leave the church." I am just going to summarize below, but if you want more detail, go check out that particular podcast, it was made for members to help understand why their friends and family are falling away. He surveyed over 3000 disaffected Mormons to ask them why they left, and in my experience in talking to others, these same items held true, and they hold true with why I am having my faith crisis as well.  John Dehlin did this survey with members of the general authorities, and his data was presented to the 1st presidency. This survey is one of the reasons, not the only one, but one of the reasons, why we have the new essays on LDS.org.

THE MYTHS

• People do not typically leave the church because they are offended.
• People do not typically leave the church because they want to sin.
• (note: in the survey only 4% of people indicated one of the above two reasons for leaving)
• The person never had a testimony to begin with.
• (note: in Johns presentation he shows a chart with the demographics of the people surveyed, and it shows that the people questioning are people with great dedication to the church, it is a very interesting chart. Over 300 of the people surveyed had been in bishoprics, 264 were temple workers,  many were high priests, relief society presidents, etc. 5 were stake presidents, and there were even a couple of general authorities surveyed who had lost their faith. These are people who had a testimony, there is no doubt)
• The person was lazy (stopped reading their scriptures, stopped attending church, praying, etc.)
• The person studied anti-Mormon literature.

THE TRUTHS

• Historical Issues
• Scientific Issues
• Doctrinal and Theological Issues
• Socio-political and cultural Issues
• Spiritual Issues

John lists specifics in the above lists, and if you want to check out his presentation you can find those there, but I will not list them here. It has never been my goal to bring anyone down with me. I refuse to talk about the specifics of the issues that bother me with anyone who is not positive that they can handle hearing them. 

It has also not been my intention to turn this blog into another LDS/Spiritual blog, but that is the direction the last few discussions have led us. I still intend to focus on my original intentions of simply creating a space of acceptance and discussion of several ideas, but I have realized that many people are going to need to know where I am coming from, and a huge part of me is the LDS church. So, here is my story. 

I had been a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 26 years before I had my faith crisis. I relished giving talks in sacrament, I loved teaching as gospel doctrine teacher, I loved being a relief society teacher and secretary. I planned on serving a mission until I met Scott, and then stopped the processing of my papers to marry him instead. I was the first of my age group to get my Personal Progress completed, at the age of 15. I went to the temple to do baptisms often, and in college tried to go and do that regularly with friends. I tried to baptisms in several different temples in Utah one summer, successfully doing 7 in 2 weeks. When Scott and I were first married we would go to the temple every other week. Whenever he and I got in a fight, that is where I would go by myself to calm down and think. When we had kids it got harder to go to the temple, but I still made it there every other month. I have read the Book of Mormon cover to cover 5 times in my life, but read it and studied it nightly. I would study it from the Book of Mormon Sunday School class study guide and cross reference other scriptures. I would find Conference Talks that matched the section of the Book of Mormon I was currently studying. I had a thirst for spiritual knowledge and did everything I could to continue to build on that. 

Last spring, in my continued thirst for knowledge, I read the book "Rough Stone Rolling," which is sold at Deseret Book, definitely not Anti-Mormon literature. There were items in that book that disturbed me, things that I had definitely never been taught, and things that showed that certain things I had been taught had actually not transpired that way. I was shocked, but tried to make sure that these items weren't being exaggerated. I then went to LDS.org and The Joseph Smith Papers to reference things I had read, and was heartbroken to realize that the items I had read in the book were true. It is funny, because some people can read the same book and be so uplifted, but for me, a person who Honesty and Integrity had been so important to, these untruths were unbearable. The thirteenth article of faith was my life creed. It still is, I am still a GOOD PERSON. I still follow every single thing I would have when I was a complete and faithful believer, nothing has changed except my testimony and struggling. Even if this journey eventually leads me out of the church like so many before me, I will still be the same person I am today, nothing will have changed. This is a scary thought for me, and a scary thought for those who love me I am sure, but it is still a possible looming outcome, and I don't think it does anyone any good to pretend that it isn't one of the 2 options that are down the road for me.

So, for me, John's study is extremely pertinent, I have struggled because of Truths 1 and 3. BUT, despite my struggling, I remain a member of the church. I have a calling that I love, a ward full of members that I love and who have been so wonderful and supportive of me in my journey, and a husband that supports my decision to stay even though he has no desire to. I want my children to be able to decide for themselves, and I love that Grayson gets so excited to go to Nursery. I believe that having a faith is important. That will never change. I believe there is a God who loves me and cares about me. I also believe he loves and cares for all his children, but that bad things happen, and that is just life. I DO NOT believe that my lack of faith will cause me to be miserable and punished by God. He knows that I love him and I am doing everything I can to seek him. People seem to expect me to be unhappy and miserable right now, but honestly, I have never felt happier. My husband and I have never had a stronger marriage. I have never been able to take each day and enjoy it for what it was as well as I have been able to this last year. While I still go to church, I am also branching out and trying other religions and ideas as well. I want to be a spiritual person, I want a relationship with God, and I need to test all avenues and make sure I am doing all I can to seek him.

I hope that this clears some things up for my well intended messenger the other night. 

I also hope that this can help us all remember that our words are powerful, and before we use them in harsh or critical ways, we should probably know exactly who our audience is, or else we will be doing more harm than good.

Your other friends and family members who are struggling might not have the same story as me, but their story is still important, and worth knowing. Hearing their words, will help you in the use of yours. Your words will have more power and influence if you can understand your audience. 

John Dehlin will probably be excommunicated from the church on Saturday. This is a disheartening turn of events for me, because he has been a lifeline for me through my struggles. His website www.staylds.org was a place I could go when I did not feel like I had anyone else to talk to. I do not know if I would be fighting as hard as I am to resolve my issues if it weren't for him. Whatever your feelings and opinions for him are, please know he has touched many lives, and I am so grateful for him and the work he has done.

Use your words carefully. Words like I heard the other night won't help me get to my destination any further, at least not to the one I hope to end up at. Before you judge another person, get to know them, know their story, and use your words in a Christ-like way. 

You will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar ;)

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:

Please no one worry that they were the person who sent this message. It doesn't matter who sent it, and it does not matter what the message was. Please also understand that their words hurt, but they did not offend, and I still love the sender, and forgive them for what they said, even when I am sure they were trying to convey something else. Anyway, That was NOT the point of this post. This post was to remind us all that our words can hurt each other, to also show you where I am coming from as a person, and lastly, to help show that if you know a person's back story, you may treat them differently. You may not always be in a position to know a person's back story, but even if we do not have those details, we can still always try to assume that people are doing their best and trying to come from a place of love. I do not know the entire back story of the person who messaged me, but I did my best to apply my own advice when I responded to their message. I assumed they were coming from a place of love, and despite my hurt I tried to respond in a kind and loving manner. I tried to acknowledge the person and their interests without completely agreeing that everything they had said about me was correct. I tried to show validation and appreciation for them and their opinions by expressing gratitude for their concern, appreciation for them taking the time to read my rantings, and let them know that everything is okay. That is the point of this post, understanding of each other and a reminder to be careful what you say to others, because we are powerful people, especially when we communicate. I wanted to help others understand where I and others have been coming from in our faith crisis' so that you better know how to help us. If you know our back story, if you know us, the help you provide will be much more specific and helpful. Lastly, the point is love, and always will be love. Love is the answer to everything. I still the love person who tried to help me, even if their words ended up hurting me. I know this person would only message me if they were truly trying to help, and that means a lot. We are all human though, and often we get offended or hurt OR BOTH without considering where a person is coming from. None of us is perfect, but we can try to be better.

When we feel inadequate as a parent

So, before I start, lets make one thing clear. We are all human, and we all have opinions that sometimes make us, well, not the nicest. I have been guilty of judging another persons parenting before, and I think we all have done the same thing. I didn't tell it to the person, but I thought it, and I probably told my husband, which wasn't the nicest thing to do. That said, we are imperfect people on a journey to be better, right? So, that said, even when we don't hear others criticism, we are often our own worst critics. While I have no doubt others can make us feel inadequate, I know by comparing myself to others, I feel the worst.

Let me share some of the ways I have felt like the most inadequate and incompetent parent ever, and then I am going to tell you ways I have overcome these feelings.

TOE NAILS
I am horrible at remembering to trim my kids toe nails! Scott came to me the other day and Lyla's looked awful AND painful. They were peeling back you guys, and I felt like the worlds WORST mom as my daughter sat there screaming bloody murder as I tried to carefully trim the peeled back portions off. While Lylas grow out and up, Grayson's grow down and in. I can remember one time when he was probably 9 months that his toe nail was actually making an INDENT in his foot! I trimmed it and there was this fine little line where the toe nail had been sitting. WORST MOM EVER! Or that is how I felt at least.

CLOTHING
I will let my kids sometimes wear the same outfit 2-3 days in a row if it still looks clean. They sleep in it too. I always worry someone is going to notice my kids look the exact same from the day before and judge me for it. 

EATING
My kids are the worlds pickiest, messiest and I am just going to say it, perhaps the worst eaters ever. Lyla just wants to throw her food on the floor, and I have often let her just eat it off the floor because that is where she wants to eat it (HORRIBLE Right?!). I do clean my floors once a week and vaccuum almost daily, but still, so so gross. My kids don't eat very healthy either, but I will say, I do try very hard to present them with options, they just don't eat them. My kids live on dairy and carbs, and occasionally fruit. I try to sneak pureed food in all the time, and Grayson's "Ice Cream" is frozen bananas, but despite my efforts, my kids don't eat how they should, they don't eat as often as they should, they don't eat when they should and won't sit at the table, they are up and out of their seat all the time. Lyla won't eat the food, but throws it on the floor, so we often still have to feed it to her, which stinks, I wish she could feed herself but she just makes a huge mess. I see other mom's, who all their kid wants to eat is a plate of Broccoli and go, "Wow, she is super mom." and I spiral downward.

NUMBER OF KIDS
I think I might stop here, with two kids. I used to get told all the time that I would have a brood, a basketball team of kids, and I used to believe that. But, I got one boy and one girl, and it just feels perfect. Sometimes I feel pressure that this is not enough, or when I tell people I am going to stop they say things like, "Really? I don't think you mean that, this is just a hard age." and they could be right, but knowing that I feel pretty serious about it I wonder, is it wrong for me to want to stop? This person seems to think that I will change my mind, meaning that obviously this must not be the best choice.

TECHNOLOGY
I worked as a full time mom without a Nanny for a long time, and I used technology as a crutch and sub in babysitter. Even now, since I only work evenings, I have used technology, and I feel awful about it. We watch TV at our house, sometimes even 4-5 hours a day depending on how hard of a day it is. Sometimes, it is the only way to keep my sanity. I see other moms making special crafts, or always having something to do with their kids to stave off the TV, and I wonder how they do it.

LOVING MOTHERHOOD
Sometimes, I hate being a mom. I see other women who talk about how it is their dream job, the best thing in the world and how happy they are. There are days where I have to control myself so hard not to slap Grayson. I have never, and will never do it, but I think about it, HARD. He can be so stubborn and difficult and you get to the point where you just don't know what to do. Being a mom is the hardest job ever, and some days, it is just hard to love it. I look at childless people and get Grass is Greener syndrome: They can go anywhere, do anything they want?! They don't have to change a screaming and kicking child's poopy diaper and get excrement all over their hands!? They don't have to watch Bob the Builder every day of their lives?! 

Okay, so now that I have aired some of my worst laundry, here is how I counter these thoughts:

TOE NAILS
I forget toe nails. But I never forget to tell my kids I love them. In fact, I tell them every hour of the day. I make it a point to go in and whisper to my sleeping Grayson how special and wonderful he is, how much we love him. I shower my kids with smile and compliments and always always I love yous. Even after they have been put in time out, I try to find time in that moment to tell them I love you. I may cause my kids some minor physical pain by forgetting to trim their toe nails from time to time, but I will never cause them emotional pain and feelings of being unloved, and that is more important.

CLOTHING
So my kids have to wear the same outfit from time to time. Other kids around the world only have two outfits, others one, others none. I work hard at night to provide an extra income for our family, sacrificing sleep and fun so that my kids can have a good life. They have closets full of outfits and shoes and socks. They are never cold, even if they are wearing yesterdays clothing. We have a blessed life, not only because my husband works hard and sacrifices, but also because I work hard and sacrifice my free time not just to care for them, but also to work after they go to bed. That makes me a good mom, even if they don't always look "posh."

EATING
All I can say for this one is I try. I try I try I try, and sometimes as moms, that is all we can do. At some point, our kids have to take a little bit of the responsibility ;)

NUMBER OF KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
I am going to lump these two together since my response to them is kind of the same. This is my life, I get to make the rules. You may not agree with them, and that is totally okay. What you need to know is I love my family, and I am doing the best I can. All of us have our crutches and our limits. This applies to me with the number of kids I will or will not have, and how often we as a family watch or use technology. With technology especially, I think back to my childhood, and I had quite a few shows I liked. I know that I watched the same movies over and over and watched TV every day after school, and I see nothing wrong with that. I think we give moms too hard a time over this issue. I am an intelligent woman, TV in no way stinted my growth or hurt me. If it lowered my intelligence I certainly didn't notice. AND when I look back on my childhood, I do remember TV, but I remember a WHOLE LOT more than that, and so will my kids. We take our kids out of the house at least 5 times a week. We go to parks, museums, restaurants. We do a lot in our house too, and our home is filled with a ton of laughter and love. So yeah, we watch TV 5 hours a day, we sleep 8 hours a day, the other 11 hours? Are spent laughing and hugging and loving and doing.

LOVING MOTHERHOOD
I love my life and wouldn't change it. Some days are hard, and I may not get the world's best mom award from any of you, but I think my kids would still give it to me. I may not always love being a mom, but I always love my kids. I can feel guilty about not being the worlds best mom, or I can tell myself, I am doing the best I can, and I think my kids can sense that, and doing our best is enough.

As long as you are doing your best, that is all that matters. We all have weaknesses and limitations. Often we focus on overcoming our weaknesses. My husband has introduced me to a different way of thinking, he says play to your strengths. Build on the things you are already good at, it is a better use of your time. Focus on your strengths. When you or someone else is ready to tear you down for being a bad mom, remind yourself of the good things you do, and I promise, there will be many.

Subjectivity of Truth

How do we define something as Good or Bad? True or Untrue? Is it black and white? Are our decisions based on facts or feelings? Are they based on our culture, our experience or something else? What influences us in the way we see the world and define things. Are there universal truths and definitions, or is everything far more subjective?

For instance, I listened to a podcast the other day on Beauty, and how we define and use the word beauty for many different things. Beautiful can be an expression that means, "perfect, good, etc." when used in the context that something was done to our standards. Beautiful can be a way to describe a landscape, a person, a piece of furniture or clothing, and even used to describe an event, like a wedding. All of these things I just listed are extremely different from one another, and yet we use the same word to describe a sort of acceptance or appreciation of them. However, Beauty is also subjective. One person can find something Beautiful and another person, well, could find it much less so.

Like Beauty is subjective, I believe Truth can also be subjective. For an example, lets use politics. It is amazing how I can believe, with all my heart, in one specific narrative, and the person next to me can believe just as much in the exact opposite of what I hold as a truth claim. Why is that?

One theory, is that our differences, you and me, in how we think and orient ourselves with the world, has to do with our brains. One Virginia Tech study found this exact thing with political affiliation. The MRI of a liberal and conservative brain were different. Scientists were able to accurately predict a persons leaning based on their MRI screening. Amazing, right? Liberals and Conservatives actually THOUGHT differently. Explains a lot about how we have issues understanding our opposites, right? 

What does all of this have to do with us, here and today? If we are going to form a community of acceptance, we are all going to need to work on defining ourselves and each other in an accepting way. This can be difficult, especially when someone is so vastly different from us. Sometimes, when someone is different, we take it as a direct affront to who we are. We are insulted and get offended. I do not want to see that happen here. I need you all to begin to internalize the idea that just because someone is different, does not mean that we are not all equals, and we can coexist together happily, if we learn to lay aside our preconceived notions and definitions of who or what people or ideas are.

In my faith journey, I have had a lot of issues with people being concerned I think they are dumb for their beliefs. It is a natural way to feel when we are met with someone who thinks differently than we do. We assume they must think we are silly, why do we not define the world as they do? I want to go on the record and say, that I feel everyone has validation to feel and define the world as they wish, and often, as they must. I firmly believe we are all different, we all have different abilities and capacities that make us define things differently. Truth is very subjective, but often we want to say there is only one right way, there can only be one Truth, that is what makes it a Truth.

In this community, Truth is whatever you hold personally to be an accepted personal fact or belief. No one can or should take your truth away from you, and you will need to offer the same courtesy to others. I encourage lively and friendly debate, but there will never be a moment I allow intolerance or belittling of others beliefs. This needs to be a safe place to be ourselves. Let down your guard and embrace each other for who we are, learn to see through another persons eyes and try to understand how they see their world and their Truths.

I personally find it hard to quantify or prove truths. People firmly believed in the truth claim that the world was flat, until it was proven it was round. How can we know for certain our truth claims are correct? Advancements in science, health, psychology, etc. are constantly proving that the ways we have viewed the world in the past were somewhat lacking. 

So I ask you, How can you know what you believe is Truth? Really? Think about it. This is a question I have mulled over and over in my mind as I have worked on my own personal beliefs. How can I ever know that what I am doing is right, that I have picked a correct path in life? That I am a moral person? I have, obviously, my own personal truth framework that has been carefully formed throughout my life by experiences, education, family, values, etc. But my framework is going to be very different from yours. So I ask again, what is Truth? Perhaps it is far more subjective and personal of a definition than we take it to be.

Because of this, I want everyone to keep in mind, in this community, that others will have different Truths from you. Just because someone is different, does not mean that you have to repel each other or feel inferior to one another. A person who is different simply has a different Truth framework from you. They have had a different life, perhaps a different brain or way of thinking, differences can be good if we find healthy ways to embrace them. 

In the future I plan on bringing up some highly controversial topics or intense ways of looking at the world. It is not meant to offend anyone. It is not meant to alienate anyone. It is simply being put out there to be looked at, internalized, and help make you aware of how you define things. It will help us all become better at seeing how others define things, and becoming okay with that. I also hope it helps us see from anothers view in a comfortable way, and learn to accept them for who they are. 

That said, I am curious if anyone has a good way they define Truth. Do you believe it to be as subjective as I do?

FIRST POST- My goals in creating this space

If you are reading this, let me first start by saying Thank You, and Welcome! I hope that this blog can serve as a wonderful outlet for us both. I am relying on your support and feedback to make this place the community I have envisioned. 

I have grown up with technology, and by that I mean, I feel like technology as we know it, is my age, we grew up together. When I was a baby, so was technology, and that was when my dad got his first computer, a green screen, the kind you played Oregon Trail on in elementary school. I played on AOL as a 8 year old (the great dial up speed would be so frustrating now), got my first phone when I was 16,  (it was a very basic phone, 100 minutes per month plan, no texting, and snake was the only game) and joined Myspace in high school (don't make me mad or you may not make my top 8, ha ha). Facebook was just a brand new thing when I first joined in college, it was an interface for college students only, and it was a fraction of what it is now. I have started various personal blogs throughout my life, including private journals that I no longer have passwords to and have been lost in cyber space indefinitely (oops...).  The first I ever started was when I was 16, I had just moved from Washington to Utah and had found out the "love of my life" had gone to EFY and met a girl, (sob sob, such a heartbreak. ALSO, if you don't know what EFY is, it is a Summer Youth Program for 14-18 year olds who are members of the LDS (Mormon) Church). 

Needless to say, today technology is really what connects us all, and I have seen it evolve over my lifetime into what it is now, just as I have seen myself evolve into who I am now. I will continue to evolve, and so will the communities on the internet. I feel that many have been able to use the internet as a source for great good. However, I have found, especially over the last year, that I have a hard time fitting in to any one community, including online communities. My goal of this blog is to fill that void, and create a niche for everyone, but for women in particular.

This blog is about reality, honesty and life. It is about making the most of every day, seeking self discovery and betterment, finding a place where you can be accepted and loved and learning to be that for others as well. It is about learning, loss, joy, health, family, but most importantly about being realistic, and learning how to be happy in a true and pure way. 

This won't be your prettiest blog, that is not my intention, so I apologize for the poor design elements, if you are artsy in a technological way, I truly envy you. My focus and efforts will be placed in thoughts, ideas and the written word. I will have photos occasionally to accompany these words, but the idea here is to create friendships across many different lives that already exist, not the life you wish you had.

In a world consumed by Hollywood ideals of beauty, Pinterest ideas of motherhood, and Facebook perceptions of reality, it is time to come clean and just be ourselves. Be honest with each other, love each other for who we are, and embrace each day as a special gift, embracing the life you have been given and learning to love it. I hope you will join me on this journey, I look forward to meeting you, growing with you, and becoming your sister in life.