When we feel inadequate as a parent

So, before I start, lets make one thing clear. We are all human, and we all have opinions that sometimes make us, well, not the nicest. I have been guilty of judging another persons parenting before, and I think we all have done the same thing. I didn't tell it to the person, but I thought it, and I probably told my husband, which wasn't the nicest thing to do. That said, we are imperfect people on a journey to be better, right? So, that said, even when we don't hear others criticism, we are often our own worst critics. While I have no doubt others can make us feel inadequate, I know by comparing myself to others, I feel the worst.

Let me share some of the ways I have felt like the most inadequate and incompetent parent ever, and then I am going to tell you ways I have overcome these feelings.

TOE NAILS
I am horrible at remembering to trim my kids toe nails! Scott came to me the other day and Lyla's looked awful AND painful. They were peeling back you guys, and I felt like the worlds WORST mom as my daughter sat there screaming bloody murder as I tried to carefully trim the peeled back portions off. While Lylas grow out and up, Grayson's grow down and in. I can remember one time when he was probably 9 months that his toe nail was actually making an INDENT in his foot! I trimmed it and there was this fine little line where the toe nail had been sitting. WORST MOM EVER! Or that is how I felt at least.

CLOTHING
I will let my kids sometimes wear the same outfit 2-3 days in a row if it still looks clean. They sleep in it too. I always worry someone is going to notice my kids look the exact same from the day before and judge me for it. 

EATING
My kids are the worlds pickiest, messiest and I am just going to say it, perhaps the worst eaters ever. Lyla just wants to throw her food on the floor, and I have often let her just eat it off the floor because that is where she wants to eat it (HORRIBLE Right?!). I do clean my floors once a week and vaccuum almost daily, but still, so so gross. My kids don't eat very healthy either, but I will say, I do try very hard to present them with options, they just don't eat them. My kids live on dairy and carbs, and occasionally fruit. I try to sneak pureed food in all the time, and Grayson's "Ice Cream" is frozen bananas, but despite my efforts, my kids don't eat how they should, they don't eat as often as they should, they don't eat when they should and won't sit at the table, they are up and out of their seat all the time. Lyla won't eat the food, but throws it on the floor, so we often still have to feed it to her, which stinks, I wish she could feed herself but she just makes a huge mess. I see other mom's, who all their kid wants to eat is a plate of Broccoli and go, "Wow, she is super mom." and I spiral downward.

NUMBER OF KIDS
I think I might stop here, with two kids. I used to get told all the time that I would have a brood, a basketball team of kids, and I used to believe that. But, I got one boy and one girl, and it just feels perfect. Sometimes I feel pressure that this is not enough, or when I tell people I am going to stop they say things like, "Really? I don't think you mean that, this is just a hard age." and they could be right, but knowing that I feel pretty serious about it I wonder, is it wrong for me to want to stop? This person seems to think that I will change my mind, meaning that obviously this must not be the best choice.

TECHNOLOGY
I worked as a full time mom without a Nanny for a long time, and I used technology as a crutch and sub in babysitter. Even now, since I only work evenings, I have used technology, and I feel awful about it. We watch TV at our house, sometimes even 4-5 hours a day depending on how hard of a day it is. Sometimes, it is the only way to keep my sanity. I see other moms making special crafts, or always having something to do with their kids to stave off the TV, and I wonder how they do it.

LOVING MOTHERHOOD
Sometimes, I hate being a mom. I see other women who talk about how it is their dream job, the best thing in the world and how happy they are. There are days where I have to control myself so hard not to slap Grayson. I have never, and will never do it, but I think about it, HARD. He can be so stubborn and difficult and you get to the point where you just don't know what to do. Being a mom is the hardest job ever, and some days, it is just hard to love it. I look at childless people and get Grass is Greener syndrome: They can go anywhere, do anything they want?! They don't have to change a screaming and kicking child's poopy diaper and get excrement all over their hands!? They don't have to watch Bob the Builder every day of their lives?! 

Okay, so now that I have aired some of my worst laundry, here is how I counter these thoughts:

TOE NAILS
I forget toe nails. But I never forget to tell my kids I love them. In fact, I tell them every hour of the day. I make it a point to go in and whisper to my sleeping Grayson how special and wonderful he is, how much we love him. I shower my kids with smile and compliments and always always I love yous. Even after they have been put in time out, I try to find time in that moment to tell them I love you. I may cause my kids some minor physical pain by forgetting to trim their toe nails from time to time, but I will never cause them emotional pain and feelings of being unloved, and that is more important.

CLOTHING
So my kids have to wear the same outfit from time to time. Other kids around the world only have two outfits, others one, others none. I work hard at night to provide an extra income for our family, sacrificing sleep and fun so that my kids can have a good life. They have closets full of outfits and shoes and socks. They are never cold, even if they are wearing yesterdays clothing. We have a blessed life, not only because my husband works hard and sacrifices, but also because I work hard and sacrifice my free time not just to care for them, but also to work after they go to bed. That makes me a good mom, even if they don't always look "posh."

EATING
All I can say for this one is I try. I try I try I try, and sometimes as moms, that is all we can do. At some point, our kids have to take a little bit of the responsibility ;)

NUMBER OF KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
I am going to lump these two together since my response to them is kind of the same. This is my life, I get to make the rules. You may not agree with them, and that is totally okay. What you need to know is I love my family, and I am doing the best I can. All of us have our crutches and our limits. This applies to me with the number of kids I will or will not have, and how often we as a family watch or use technology. With technology especially, I think back to my childhood, and I had quite a few shows I liked. I know that I watched the same movies over and over and watched TV every day after school, and I see nothing wrong with that. I think we give moms too hard a time over this issue. I am an intelligent woman, TV in no way stinted my growth or hurt me. If it lowered my intelligence I certainly didn't notice. AND when I look back on my childhood, I do remember TV, but I remember a WHOLE LOT more than that, and so will my kids. We take our kids out of the house at least 5 times a week. We go to parks, museums, restaurants. We do a lot in our house too, and our home is filled with a ton of laughter and love. So yeah, we watch TV 5 hours a day, we sleep 8 hours a day, the other 11 hours? Are spent laughing and hugging and loving and doing.

LOVING MOTHERHOOD
I love my life and wouldn't change it. Some days are hard, and I may not get the world's best mom award from any of you, but I think my kids would still give it to me. I may not always love being a mom, but I always love my kids. I can feel guilty about not being the worlds best mom, or I can tell myself, I am doing the best I can, and I think my kids can sense that, and doing our best is enough.

As long as you are doing your best, that is all that matters. We all have weaknesses and limitations. Often we focus on overcoming our weaknesses. My husband has introduced me to a different way of thinking, he says play to your strengths. Build on the things you are already good at, it is a better use of your time. Focus on your strengths. When you or someone else is ready to tear you down for being a bad mom, remind yourself of the good things you do, and I promise, there will be many.